I'm quite certain she knows where the herd is and they know where she is--but for reasons each are keeping to themselves, they remain in separate locations.
Last night I had a mini-meltdown.
The sense that I should DO something to right this "wrong" situation grabbed hold of me and whipped me with an onslaught of condemnation--not just for having a hand in totally disrupting the life of a little horse from Oregon, but branching wickedly outward, making me doubt the very essence of establishing our Sorraia Mustang Preserve as well! Dark voices chided me, "No one cares a whit about your bringing together a little band of primitive horses in an effort to provide genetic vigor to a nearly extinct subspecies of equines!" "No one is knocking at your door looking to acquire any of Altamiro's offspring to keep the project expanding!" "Ravenseyrie Sorraia Mustang Preserve is just creating more unwanted horses of which the world already is heavily populated with!" Curious strange, lonesome loathing thoughts...from where do such things come?
In an attempt to console me, Kevin told me what we are doing is worth the sheer beauty these horses add to the landscape, if nothing more. He reminded me I am not God...I have put some elements together, but it is not my place to micro-manage them, which is futile anyhow in this semi-wild environment.
What an emotional wreck I've been since Zorita's release into the big wide open!
After enough tears had been shed and once the choking sensation in my throat subsided, I regained my mental balance and contemplated the depth of intelligence inherent in the universe and gave myself over to it.
Rachel Carson said, "It is not half so important to know as to feel."
Today, I take this in, breathing it fully...because I confess, I am not happy with this arrangement--this isolation Zorita has taken to.
...something feels right about it.
This morning, something beyond my mental comprehension soothed my brain's concern and evened out the rapid beating of my troubled heart. This "something" was spending time with Zorita in the space she has chosen for herself.
Masanobu Fukuoka wrote: "Everyone seems to believe that human thought and emotions are the products of the human mind, but I think otherwise....When people see a green tree, they all think that green trees are beautiful. Trees leave a sense of peace. When the wind ripples the surface of the water, the spirit becomes restless. Go to the mountains, and a sense of the mountains arises. Travel to a lake, and one feels the spirit of the water. These emotions all arise from nature. Go somewhere where nature has been disturbed and I doubt that anything but disturbed emotions will arise."
Last night I had spent to much time where "nature has been disturbed". Instead of appreciating what a nice environment Zorita had selected for herself, I kept hearing the voice of all I'd learned from traditional horse-keeping--telling me I should bring Zorita up and place her back in the yard. She would have to have contact with the other horses again, over the fence. She would be under near constant supervision. We could assure ourselves she was eating sufficiently. We could even take one of the more passive herd members and put her in the yard with Zorita hoping a bond would form. Isn't this what any caring horse owner would do, rather than leave her to her own choice of isolation far and away from us all?
But why should we humans think we know better than Nature herself? What I "feel" overrides what I "think" in this instance--quite powerfully, especially from this morning's visit with Zorita...from which I offer you these photos and moving footage. See for yourself if perhaps she is exactly in the right place for her at this moment in time. I think she is, and though I haven't a clue how or when she will become part of Altamiro's herd...I feel it will happen and all by their own chosing at the right time.
About 6:45am, Zorita was found dozing in the forest to the east of our neighbor's lakeshore cabin--the same place I had found her the other morning. She saw me and came out to say "hello" immediately:
While Zorita was eating her little pile of apples, I gave her a light currying and combed her mane and tail. She is beginning to show signs of a winter coat, about the same length thus far as the others and she seemed pleased for the grooming attention as well, of course, for the apples!
When she finished her apples, I walked to the section of the beach on the other side of Bob and Shelagh's cabin where a spit of land at the edge of the lake is covered in green vegetation. I wanted to see what was for breakfast out here. Sweet clover, red clover, a variety of grasses in various stages of maturity as well as copious amounts of herbs and wildflowers abound in this vegetative section along the shore line of Lake Huron's famous North Channel.
Zorita then settles into a long, peaceful time of grazing, while the pups and I sit on the stones and enjoy the serene scene before us.
And Zorita from time to time pauses from grazing to watch us watching her
Thank you independent, splendidly primitive, Zorita, for sharing your private, peaceful place and making me feel that you are right where you should be.